How to get Your Partner to Listen to You

The therapists and counselors at Milford Counseling provide couple’s counseling to help strengthen your relationship.

How many times have you said something to your partner and felt like they didn’t get what you were really trying to say? Did it result in tension, frustration or even an argument? Are you tired of being misunderstood and not listened to? Feeling ignored or unimportant to your partner can be devastating in a relationship. The communication can breakdown completely and partners give up. Are you frustrated and upset that you don’t understand each other anymore? Is it driving you apart from each other?

Too many times, couples suffer in their relationships because there is a communication problem. It’s a struggle for all couples to communicate well. It’s not easy and most couples don’t know how to communicate well without practice. Milford Counseling and our therapist can help couples learn the skills to validate each other’s wants and needs by learning the tools to communicate well. People are extremely busy these days and don’t have a lot of free time. Arguing with your spouse or partner during each other’s valuable free time together is detrimental to the relationship. Unfortunately, this is very normal and common in relationships if people are stressed. Why not get ahead of everyone else and create better communication with your partner and take your relationship or marriage to the next level?

All couples struggle with communication.

Milford Counseling’s team of therapists provide couple’s therapy/ marriage counseling that will improve the communication in your relationship. A good couple’s therapist can help you to unpack the dynamics of your relationship. There are a lot of issues to be solved in a relationship and without great communication, the chances of solving your problems together are minimal.

Don’t be discouraged, if you are the only one that is willing to do the work to improve the relationship. Here is an exercise for you if you finally want to be heard. No one can make someone listen to them or try to understand them but I am going to show you a very effective way to change how your partner listens to you. I didn’t invent this tool, but Milford Counseling’s therapist teach these tools in couple’s counseling. The tool is one of Steven Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”: Seek First to Understand and then to be Understood. The tool is paradoxical because it’s hard to conceive how understanding your partner better will lead to them understanding you. But it works. Try it. It will take some time and patience to develop your listening and understanding skills so hang in there. However, you will begin to see results almost immediately. Try slowing down and listening. Practice to better understand your partner first. Feel free to ask as many questions as you need to. Your partner will begin to feel validated by you as long as the questions are sincere and not judgmental or accusatory. It’s okay to clarify and dig a little deeper into a more complete understanding. It’s okay to only listen and offer your support without straining to get your point across to them. Just work on understanding them first. Your opportunity to be genuinely listened to and understood by your partner will increase the more you improve your listening skills.  

“Seek First to Understand and then to be Understood”.

You will discover that there are a lot of points in a conversation where a misunderstanding can occur without doing the work to fully understand. The better you get at this skill the more your partner will begin to open up to you and most importantly, understand you. When your partner feels valued and important in a conversation, it becomes natural for them to value their partner’s opinions and ideas. When there is a strong regard for one another, the relationship strengthens. Simply put, partner’s like being listened to and the more you do it, the more they will reciprocate back. Milford Counseling has experienced couple’s counselors that create a welcoming environment for a couple to practice these skills. I suggest practicing these skills in therapy and on your own with your partner. Your relationship will be rewarded with more love and acceptance of one another. Try it today.

Sometimes we have more control in a relationship than we think. You don’t always need your partner’s cooperation to make a positive start towards improving your marriage/relationship. Taking the first step towards improving your understanding of them through better listening can be the spark that ignites your bond again.

One of the best choices you can make to strengthen your marriage or relationship is to seek help from a professional therapist. Milford Counseling and our team of counselors are here to help. Call us now to request an appointment: 248-529-6383. It would be an honor to serve you.