Why Boundaries Are Essential in Your Relationship If You Are a People-Pleaser

All relationships require a bit of give and take. If you're constantly giving to others, your cup will be empty. On the other hand, if you're constantly taking, your cup will overflow. Healthy relationships require a balance.

This is where boundaries come in. Boundaries may seem harsh, especially to those who have yet to set any, but they're not as demanding as they sound. They help protect your overall mental health and wellness and ensure that your needs and wants are being met.

Boundaries can be even harder for people who aim to put others before themselves. Let's learn why boundaries are essential in your relationship, especially if you're a people-pleaser.

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are personal limits you set for yourself and others in order to help protect your overall mental and physical wellness. Boundaries aren't put in place to control others. They are ways to ensure you are respected and valued. Boundaries may seem like unknown territory, especially to people pleasers. People pleasers aim to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing their own needs, wants, and happiness along the way. Let's learn more about the types of boundaries and why setting them can be essential in all relationships.

Types of Boundaries to Set

You can set a variety of boundaries. They may look different from those of your family and friends, and that's perfectly fine and even normal. You have to determine what's important to you and what boundaries you need to set for yourself. These are some of the most common types of boundaries that you can set to ensure your desires and needs are respected.

Emotional

Emotional boundaries can help protect your feelings. They are put in place to show what you will and won't accept. These boundaries could involve names that you don't like being called or topics of conversation that you don't feel comfortable discussing.

Intellectual

Intellectual boundaries help protect one's beliefs, ideas, and thoughts. Many people set these boundaries for topics of conversation related to religion or politics. This is important if one feels like they're not being understood or respected when speaking to others.

Material

Your physical belongings, personal space, or finances belong under the material boundaries category. Material boundaries involve things like letting a friend borrow a piece of clothing, equipment, or money. It may also involve establishing house rules on how people behave in your own home.

Physical

Physical boundaries protect how you feel about yourself in your body and how others interact and engage with you, especially in your personal space. These boundaries include someone standing too close to you or your comfort level with hugging someone hello or goodbye.

Sexual

Sexual boundaries are extremely important in healthy relationships. It's important to communicate with your partner what you feel comfortable with regarding sexual activities. Let your partner know if you don't want to have sex, if you don't want them to touch you somewhere, or if you don't like something. It's perfectly acceptable to say "no."

Time

Time boundaries are important for how you want and choose to spend your time. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that you have to spend every second of every day with your partner. You can choose to carve out time for yourself to get work done, go to the gym, or hang out with your family and friends.

Next Steps

Boundaries are crucial in all types of healthy relationships. If you tend to be a people-pleaser, it's extremely important to try to set some boundaries to avoid burnout. Boundaries not only make you happier and healthier, but you and your partner will see the same benefits within your relationship. If you or your partner need help setting or enforcing boundaries, I am here to help. Contact my office today to set up a couples counseling appointment.