What Gaslighting Looks Like in Friendships, Families, and the Workplace
Understanding what gaslighting looks like can help you recognize when you're experiencing this harmful form of manipulation. Gaslighting is a psychological tactic where someone makes you question your own reality or memories, as well as your perceptions. While we often hear about gaslighting in romantic relationships, it shows up just as frequently in the workplace. It can even be present in friendships and family dynamics.
Friendship Sabotage
In friendships, gaslighting can be particularly painful because we expect our friends to support and validate us. A gaslighting friend might consistently tell you that events didn't happen the way you remember them. They may insist you're being "too sensitive" when you express hurt feelings about something they said or did.
Common phrases include "That never happened" or "Everyone thinks you're overreacting." Over time, you might find yourself constantly apologizing or second-guessing your own experiences. A gaslighting friend may also share different versions of stories with other people, making you look unreliable or dramatic. These friendships often leave you feeling emotionally adrift, constantly searching for solid ground in your own perceptions.
How Your History Gets Rewritten
Family gaslighting can be especially damaging because it often starts in childhood and becomes deeply ingrained. In the family context, the gaslighter might be a sibling or an extended relative. It may even be a parent. They might deny things that happened or minimize your experiences, often by rewriting family history to paint themselves in a better light.
Family gaslighters often use statements like "You're remembering it wrong" or "You always exaggerate everything." They might blame you for family problems or suggest you're the one causing drama when you try to address legitimate concerns.
Because family relationships are so foundational, this type of gaslighting can significantly impact your self-trust and confidence. As a result, you may struggle to trust your own judgment in other areas of life.
On the Job
Workplace gaslighting can threaten both your mental health and your career. A gaslighting boss or coworker might take credit for your ideas while denying they did so. They may promise you opportunities or recognition, then claim those conversations never happened.
Watch for these red flags:
Being told you're "not a team player" for setting boundaries.
Having your documented work suddenly go missing.
Being accused of mistakes you didn't make.
Gaslighters at work often isolate you from colleagues and make you doubt your competence. You might notice you're constantly defending your work, and you may start feeling anxious about every interaction. Workplace gaslighting can make you question whether you're good at your job, even when evidence suggests otherwise.
A Common Thread
Across all these settings, gaslighting shares core characteristics. The gaslighter:
Denies your reality (e.g., claiming events didn't happen as you recall).
Shifts blame onto you for problems or conflicts.
Gradually erodes your confidence and self-trust.
Uses your own vulnerabilities or past mistakes against you.
Over time, you start to rely on them to tell you what's real, which gives them even more control. The impact of gaslighting accumulates, and you may notice changes in yourself:
Emotional Distress: Experiencing anxiety, depression, or a persistent feeling that something is wrong, but you can't quite identify what.
Cognitive Difficulty: Difficulty making decisions or trusting your own perceptions.
Low Self-Esteem: Your self-esteem may plummet.
Dependency: Constantly seeking validation from others to confirm your experiences.
Breaking the Cycle
Reclaiming your own reality begins with acknowledging these manipulative patterns. Trust your instincts when something feels off—that feeling is valid information. Create documented evidence of important interactions to serve as a factual anchor against denial. Finally, connect with supportive people who validate your experiences and reinforce your perception of events.
If you're struggling with the effects of gaslighting in any relationship, we can help you rebuild trust in yourself and develop healthy boundaries. Give us a call to learn more about relationship or trauma therapy and how to heal from its effects.
