5 Ways to Deal with an Emotionally Invalidating Partner

Have you ever felt like your partner just doesn't understand you? No matter how much you try to explain your feelings, it's like talking to a brick wall. You leave every conversation feeling dismissed, rejected, and invisible. Dealing with an emotionally invalidating partner is exhausting. Many people struggle to connect with a partner who chronically minimizes, ignores, or criticizes their emotions. While you can't force someone to change, you can take steps to protect yourself.

Here are five techniques to help you cope with an invalidating partner's impact on your self-esteem and mental health. You deserve to feel heard and validated.

What is Emotional Invalidation, and Why Does it Happen?

Emotional invalidation is when someone dismisses, denies, or judges your feelings as irrational, inappropriate, or unimportant. It's a form of emotional abuse that can make you feel crazy, wrong, or like your emotions don't matter. You might hear statements like "You're overreacting" or "It's not that big of a deal" that minimize your experience. Other forms include hostile humor, criticism disguised as jokes, and ignoring your feelings altogether.

Why It Happens

There are a few potential reasons why partners invalidate emotions:

• Lack of emotional intelligence or inability to empathize

• Their own emotional needs were dismissed while growing up

• Rigid beliefs about gender roles and emotions

• Using it to control, manipulate, or "win" arguments

Invalidation is never acceptable but often stems from the invalidating partner's own emotional issues. They may be incapable of validating your feelings in a healthy way.

The Damaging Effects

Constant invalidation can take a huge toll on your self-esteem and mental health over time. You may start questioning your own reality and emotional experience — a type of gaslighting. Other impacts include increased stress, anxiety, depression, stirring numbness, and difficulties being vulnerable. Invalidation poisons the foundation of trust, empathy, and respect that all relationships need.

5 Strategies for Coping with an Invalidating Partner

Being in a relationship with someone who constantly dismisses or denies your thoughts and feelings can be incredibly draining. An invalidating partner might minimize your experiences, judge your emotions as irrational, or gaslight you into questioning your reality. Dealing with this emotional abuse is tough, but there are strategies to help cope.

1. Identify the Invalidation

The first step is recognizing when your partner is invalidating you. This could look like them saying things like "You're overreacting" or "That's not a big deal." They may deny events happened a certain way despite your recollection. Pay attention to comments or behaviors that make you feel dismissed or crazy.

2. Voice Your Needs

Once you've spotted the invalidation, express how it makes you feel calmly and assertively. Use "I" statements like "I feel dismissed when you say I'm overreacting." Avoid accusatory "you" statements, which can make them defensive. Make it clear their invalidation is hurtful and unacceptable.

3. Set Boundaries

If voicing your needs doesn't improve things, you may need to set firmer boundaries. This could mean refraining from conversations that become invalidating. Or you might need to limit your time with this person until they treat you with more respect.

4. Fact-Check Yourself

Invalidating partners can make you doubt your own reality over time. Counteract this by checking in with other friends or family when you feel gaslit. Their outside perspective can validate whether your feelings and experiences are reasonable.

5. Prioritize Self-Care

Most importantly, don't let an invalidating partner make you feel inadequate. Build your self-esteem through self-care activities you enjoy, whether that's exercise, journaling, or hanging out with supportive loved ones. Keep reminding yourself that your feelings and identity matter.

Dealing with an emotionally invalidating partner is incredibly taxing. Remember, you deserve to feel heard and understood. While no one is perfect, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship if your partner chronically dismisses your feelings. If you still need help, book a consultation for couples counseling with us today.